Fall has morphed into Christmas here. I do so love it.. but I was not so ready for it.
I thank God for my wonderful friends who are keeping me accountable and at my request have said, "IF YOU DO NOT WRITE AND POST TODAY, Catherine, we are gonna give you some butt kicking". This is what is keeping me focussed and writing right now. We ALL need people to keep us accountable from time to time to stay the course and use our gifts. That's why I am called to coaching. I want to help others run well too!! BUT truth be told.. we ALL need some coaching from time to time. So here I am plugging away at 10 pm on a Friday night because my friends gave me the much needed accountability! So.. despite my post being a whirlwind seasonal tour I've got a word that is in season and out of season for both me AND you and it's time to share!!
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Funny how you can snap a picture of something quickly, all the while knowing that the subject in it requires more thought. Something captivated me about this giant clothespin sculpture. It seemed simple, but stately. It seemed out of place, yet perfectly in place. It seemed insignificant and yet significant.
I guess it depends on how you look at it. I took this picture on a hike with my husband a few weeks ago. Isn't it a beautiful place? We stumbled across it in delight with no one else around. It was just us--hidden in the forest-- taking in the sound of the waters rushing over the rocks, the moist, crisp air and the sunlight peeking and dancing through the trees. Do you love the mystery and beauty of secret places too?
Quiet places are often where I feel a close connect to God's presence and his voice AND find a huge bridge over life to the depths of His peace. Sometimes it's really so honestly confusing what our next RIGHT step is in a situation. We just can't see clearly around the bend.
Sometimes we want to find the way over or through. Sometimes we want to build boats or bridges and the tools aren't available where we are at. We want to fix it, find it, heal it, solve it or bring it into the light. Sometimes we want to lay our life down and become the bridge. But we can't. Because WE can't. So what about when we find ourselves at what seems a big round bend or an impass, and we pray for doors or windows and we find none? If there isn't a way in...sometimes God leads us on a way out.
OH DEAR. Life got us this last while! Do you even have weeks like that?Flu bug in the house left me unable to blog and then other things of life too that I'll save for a special post later. It was ahem.. MORE than I could imagine in ways I won't describe.
But thankfully some details of that more is over and I am so MUCH MORE excited to be here with you. I've been literally so excited to share this. I can't wait to tell you this story! So are you ready? I've got another lovely truth bath bomb for us to soak in today. God is able. Able to do MORE. More than you can IMAGINE. I don't know what you imagine God can do if you opened your heart to it. Or if you even are willing to give him a chance by imagining what He could do in your life. But he's so capable that if you watch, that if you give even a bit of a chance to Him...he will blow your mind with His goodness and power and presence and peace and timing. He WILL. If you wonder that a little, if you have apprehension and distrust I get it. I understand. But I have to tell you a little story. A story of HIS goodness and HIS favor and HIS timing. So could you give me a listen? Oh friend. I don't want to cause trouble. I love you muchly. I love the peace of mind some of you offer when you take the pressure off us to do SO MUCH we wreck ourselves.
Because truth is we were made for rest. We were made for breathing room. We were made to be in the moment. And we've wrecked ourselves trying to keep up with everyone. But truth is ALSO some of the ideas out there that are offered to help us rest is a subtle lie we are settling in for. And when you settle you don't just take the pressure off yourself. You miss out what you are made for. You miss out on who God says you are. I love you dear ones. ALL OF YOU. So I'm going to be obedient to try to reach out and see if we can build a bridge from where you are letting your heart sit and breathe and build a little hope trail and some little stepping stones back to truth. I see the point of view in articles I'd point to if starting a dialogue might be useful. But I dont' think I will. I think you know the ones I mean. The ones that say its ok to be mediocre. I see it sister. I get what you are saying and I get HOW you are saying it. I get it. You are saying "GET OFF THAT STINKING LIE THAT YOU NEED TO KEEP UP WITH WHAT ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE ARE DOING. You don't have to be famous or save the WORLD. BE PRESENT. DO YOUR BEST. Basically you are saying "YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE..."HER". That other sister whose list of accomplishments makes my heart sick. " OH FRIEND. THAT. THAT IS TRUTH. How I get you. But I don't know. Something isn't sitting right. That word is part truth. I say part because it's a skewed perspective. It means we are measuring success by a outside bar--- what other people define as excellent and praise worthy from THEIR lives. So if I could try to drop a little gentle truth BATH bomb for you to soak in? That word you are giving... it's measuring up what you accomplish BY YOUR ABILITY TO KEEP UP WITH OTHERS. Will you take my bath bomb and sit in the warm water, let your guard down and breathe in? Here's the thing. What you are saying is also this: It's saying God can't make a heap of a whole lot out of what you got. It's like taking HIM out of the equation at all. It's like saying offering our little isn't going to make a whole heap of a lot in the hands of the creator. It takes the pressure off to feel like you must accomplish GREATNESS but it also takes the expectation off what God WILL USE YOUR LITTLE FOR. You are right. Sometimes we are just folding laundry and sorting our houses out and just getting our kids to school and just listening to their heart. Sometimes we are JUST doing our best and it doesn't seem like a whole huge much. Sometimes we just make a meal for a hurting family or just listen in to a friend dealing with cancer. And sometimes we aren't doing it real well. But don't you let someone tell you to think that it is mediocre. Don't you breathe in that lie and accept it! PLEASE! Because you're off track when you forget to hold on to the part of the equation that makes no sense. GOD'S ON YOUR SIDE. AND THAT TIPS ALL THE SCALES. HE IS NEVER UP TO DOING MEDIOCRE THINGS WHEN WE PLACE OUR LIVES IN HIS HANDS. The boy offered his lunch. Just a lunch. And it was multiplied till it was more than enough. I don't call that mediocre. So you and I? We've got to just keep giving up sandwiches to our kids. Our neighbours. The lady in line in front of us at the grocery store. Be faithful in the circles you've been put in. And please don't you call it mediocre. Don't you call it small. It's going to do more than you can ask or imagine if you put it in the hands of the creator. He's going to break it and bless it and it's going to feed thousands if you let HIM DO IT. YOU KNOW WHAT??? You don't want to miss out on my next week post because I've got a story about how God does just that. MORE than we could ask or imagine. With our small stuff. So HANG TIGHT. HOLD ON. BE YOU. You go and do your small things and you pray over them and you watch HIM multiply it into something GREAT. Underground, unseen, it's growing. And you my friend? YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IT TO SEE IT! You are loved, you matter, and his plans over you are good. ACTUALLY NOPE. I changed my mind. They aren't just good. They are GREAT. They are exceptional. I love you, friend! Cath I just found an amazing little weekly chart from the dollar store this week that allows me to block in my days and the errands, jobs, and life stuff that must happen on each day to reach the successful finishing of the week. I LOVE IT. I can plan months in ahead too. I've labelled all the weeks up. It's got pretty little flowers and I like it better than the book ones because at the end of the week I can tear that week page off and smile. There's a new one underneath.. and it's fresh with promise of things to come. If you could hear me,this is what I say in my head as I smirk: "SEE.. I made it through another week, I got the jobs of life done and stayed organized and somewhat on top. YAY ME."
I know I know.. there's an app for that. I get it. I've tried the calendar on my phone and I can use it, but I can't tell you the feeling of JOY I get with crossing things off and ripping off that week and moving on-- so I'm sticking with the paper copy. CROSSING OFF THINGS = SUCCESS ! What about you? Do you have a list? A list that keeps you pressing towards the finished result? The finished week, the finished day, the finished dream? Maybe there's multiple lists on the go for you. Maybe it's the to do list to get you to: a clean house, a party, a wedding, a book, a renovation, a dream house, a healthy body, a career, meals on the table, getting errands done, getting kids to places they need to go.... OR maybe for you the destination is so BIG you can't break it down into steps at all. The list is reduced to one task that alone is harder than you can describe and you just keep repeating it. SURVIVE. My heart aches for my friends who sometimes feel like they will never arrive, never survive, never FINISH or finally reach the success they wish "IN THE END". I hear their heart as it breaks and they say: WHEN WILL I EVER GET IT? WHEN WILL I EVER GET THERE? WHEN WILL I GET IT RIGHT? I am so sorry because there's stuff in this life that's hard to process. It's hard to process why it's hard. Sharp edges, cutting edges. Stuff of life that hurts to process. Days that just get checked off and blurred off and run into one another. Families fighting over money and stress and jobs and plans and time, people really sick and cancer that sucks and heart attacks and grief. To do lists that can't get ta-done no matter the magical wand we try to wave and the hours we keep. Being in process can be stressful and heart wrenching and fear filled and tear filled and endless and dark. Not knowing if you'll get "there" or if you'll figure out what's needed to even get there. I am so sorry. Being in process can be hard. SO HARD. We want to GET PAST the grief, GET PAST the building of the house, GET PAST THIS ROCKY LAND OF IN BETWEEN. I don't know what you are in process of or in process in or in processing. But I do know you can't get there without that time of process. It's not because we haven't tried. We've tried it with food. Fast food, highly processed foods. They do not bring the health we need. We've tried it with pain. Hide it, don't reveal it, pretend it isn't there. We've tried it with lists and night hours and exhaustion and weary work. I can hear us all. I WILL get this done. ONE DAY I will get it. AND WHEN IT IS DONE THEN IT WILL BE BETTER. I WILL BE BETTER. WE WILL BE BETTER. I don't know friend. Is it true? I see this big gaping hole from our now to our then that doesn't just fill. It creates a chasm that we can fall right into. So I don't think we can truly live that way. That life's got the in between right blurred out. So today can I offer you a little thought to process? It's partly because I am so conscious of my importance manifesto. LOL. Come join me. I want to start a movement. :) http://www.catherinegillard.com/blog/one-more-important-thing But the other part that's making me so really focussed on this word process and processing for the stuff of life is that this week is I am so full of realization that: I'M A WORK IN PROCESS. ME. Yeah. Me. Aren't you? I can see the big dreams and visions, the to do lists and the place to head but also just really get that as I look back the in between and the hard bits were so important to my life. I wouldn't trade them even though I wouldn't choose a lot of them. Because they are the parts that led me where I've gone and that led me to the people I've known. They are the parts that led me to live a life that mattered, a life that helped, a life that made a difference to others. I can't trade that in. That's progress in my process. People often say that we are works in progress. AND.....I hate it. I really DO. I don't know about you but being told that I am a work in progress makes me feel mediocre right now. It sounds like ONE DAY I will ARRIVE. Get to that destination of the way I am meant to be. And that makes me want to skip the in between. So hear me out. QUOTE ME ON IT. ARGUE WITH ME IF YOU LIKE....I'd REALLY love your thoughts. BUT here is where I hang my hat. That picture of me and you being in progress makes me feel like ONE DAY we will finally reach the place we were meant to get to and we should JUST KEEP PRESSING ON EAGERLY TOWARDS THAT DAY. AND I don't think that's totally true or accurate so you can quote me on this: WE are ACTUALLY works in PROCESS. I googled it and think it is an original thought! LOL. We are friend! We are in process. And it is beautiful and messy and hard and growing and life changing and leading. Can you breathe that in? You are in process. Life is touching you and our master creator wants to let is shape and grow you and fill you with life and beauty. TODAY. EACH AND EVERY DAY. JUST GETTING YOU SOMEWHERE ISN'T HIS GOAL. HE'S NOT MEASURING YOUR SUCCESS BY WHEN YOU FINALLY MEASURE UP. In honestly I've heard too much of that and it makes me ill because it paints a picture of God as someone He's not. He's not just trying to rush you to completion. You see, this creator of the earth...He's embracing you in your RIGHT NOW. Right now as you process whatever you are in. Right now as you call him in and you let him lead and you take some steps. Right NOW. Right now HE's cheering you on and He's filled with pure joy in loving your heart in whatever moment you just let Him in. Let Him in and let HIS heart move you and let His breath fill you and let His words flow on your lips. He'll help you process it all. YOU SEE IT'S NOT IN FINALLY GETTING SOMEWHERE THAT WE LIVE THE WIDE OPEN and ABUNDANT LIFE HE PLANNED. He's really concerned about your here and now. He's that kind of God. He's present. He's the I AM. NOT THE I WAS OR THE I WILL BE. HE'S THE RIGHT NOW. My hearts so full right now. I've got a lot I am processing in the stuff of life. I do have goals and unfinished bits and questions and lists. But I am so very sure of this. I am in process. In a process of growing, in a process of knowing , in a process of grieving, in a process of building. And to do it I need to be right in this moment. He loves us RIGHT NOW in whatever PROCESS we are in. I am excited. Because I just read a word in a new way and had a big aha. I want to live a life that is MOMENTOUS. Read that word again. MOMENTOUS. That's in the moment. Listen in, lean in. Be present in this process. There's something momentous you are going to grow in, something momentous you are going to do to touch someone's life. So be in this moment, feel in this moment, call him in in this moment. Don't just try to get somewhere and reach your finished destination. Don't just hammer yourelf because you aren't there YET. Be still and know HE IS GOD. Be on your journey, be in your doing. Take those steps. Be blessed friend. You are loved, you matter and his plans for you are good. IN THIS MOMENT.
It's been a busy summer and I just want to thank you for all checking in to see where I disappeared to. You are amazing and so encouraging!
I was off doing things. IMPORTANT THINGS! A whole slew of little things that added up to a summer of greatness, connection and rest. Things that one by one filled my time and in honesty I chose to take a hiatus from writing. Camping... smores.. hiking... building sand castles...biking... reading...watching sunsets...visiting... gazing at the twinkly lights on my patio as the day faded into night and planning and running a day camp took up the hours in my day.. one by one by one. You and I both know the power of one thing! If you haven't read it, please take a minute. It's actually my ONE favourite post:
http://www.catherinegillard.com/blog/the-power-ofone
All our ones add up. Sometimes they add up to hope. Sometimes they add up to rest. In my past I could let all kinds of choosing of IMPORTANT THINGS add up to exhaustion and burn out.
I recently heard God speak into my heart: "Do more important things". You can hear that wrong. If you put the emphasis on MORE IMPORTANT you will feel you need to constantly skip the things that don't "matter" and focus on what's "best". I did that for a long time. I don't know about you.. but I sometimes ran myself ragged in MY MIND just trying to determine what's top priority to me or others and how to get all the IMPORTANT things done. I remember one day watching my kids play in the snow and really realizing that though they were JUST IN THAT MOMENT ENJOYING IT... I was not. I was worrying about my to do list and if I could get it all done and if I should get on to something else. And though I was truly concerned about time and conscious to not waste it away...I wasn't adding any moments to my day. I was stealing them away with my worries. It was just like that wise word "Who of you by worrying can add any hours to your day?" So hear me right. I want you to put the emphasis on IMPORTANT. Because that's how I heard it. It's NOT about worrying yourself sick you are doing all the right things, or the proper things to please others, or the top things to get you ahead quicker, or ANY of that. Its about making lists and prioritizing but also about rethinking the things I thought were IMPORTANT. It's about choices that lead to open spaces, and memories and rest. This fresh word for me is about SEEING restful, connecting, adventuring things as IMPORTANT too. Seeing that the joy I felt in that sunset WAS important. Understanding that playing in the sand with my kids-- WAS important. That spending time to rest and hear his voice and slow right down could be, should be and WOULD be for me: IMPORTANT. Each moment is important and I need to value time. But I need to value the time I'm in right then and there too. It's IMPORTANT. So here's my "importance manifesto". I'm going to value doing life changing things, choosing and planning what's a priority and be productive, but I'm going to value all the moments in between. I'm going to see my trip to the grocery store as IMPORTANT. My bike hike into town as IMPORTANT. My looking RIGHT DEEP AS I CAN into the eyes of someone in that moment as IMPORTANT. I'm going to make my list and get those VERY important things done but you know what else? That space and time and all the in between? It's my manifesto that by golly it's going to made to be important too. I'm suddenly back on this important adventure of life in a way I remember vividly in my 20s --back when I first understood HIS love for me and HIS favor for me and HIS plans for me after my first husband left and God wrote HIS LOVE STORY ON MY HEART. It was like I died inside and then found life again as I saw his blessings and love. And treasured it in my heart. I think this summer of rest and that fresh word brought that adventurer in me back alive again. You see, time is a gift. Suddenly I see it clear again. It's a GIFT. It's made for important things but its also made for truly seeing that all things I get to do, see and feel are important too. So what do you say? Are you in? Join me and let's let him do more than we could ask or imagine as the moments add up. Let's be READY to see and not miss what ONE MORE IMPORTANT THING might be in store for us when we are really present in that ONE MORE IMPORTANT MOMENT. I think we are going to be amazed what opportunities suddenly aren't missed. Be blessed. You are loved. You matter. And HIS plans for you ARE good. PS: I am so glad to be back, friend!! I missed you! Here's a picture of what I CHOOSE to make important- my peeps- on an important adventure into a little town that led to meeting people, picking up stones, sitting on rocks and reflecting on the beautiful hand of our creator. Ok. I'm that gardener who would totes be that one to go out in the rain to dig and plant. (UMMM. Confession: I have.) I love love love flowers and growing things. BUT I know and realize-loads of you might NOT like to garden. To you it's not a beautiful thing. IT'S WORK. Though I beg to differ on that fact, this blog post is not going to be truly about gardening per se so give it a read even if the title freaked you out. The truth's in here. It's just a little under the soil today.
Here's 2 garden facts that echo true in life: 1) DEAD WOOD NEEDS CUTTING AND PRUNING OUT. Dead wood NEEDS cutting and pruning out. It's DEAD. I'm so sorry. Something might be being removed right now. It may hurt a little as we WATCH it be removed, but we are making room for NEW LIFE. That's how this works. We can let it go ok? TRUTH: I fearfully and tearfully left the DEAD undergrowth in my big front hedge in for several YEARS. When I finally took my clippers out I was sad to see the big hole I made, but the new growth that filled that space was amazing. It recovered. Oh dear one, you will too. Something new will fill that space. Let it go. It's dead wood. We all need reminders on this: NEW GROWTH NEEDS ROOM TO GROW. DEAD WOOD WILL JUST DISPLACE IT'S SPACE. That's important. That NEW thing can't spring up in the area where we are still using it's growing space to hold onto a big dead thing. Moreover: 2) KEEP WHAT'S GOOD. THROW OUT WHAT'S NOT. WE HAVE TO THROW OUT WHAT'S NOT GOOD- SO IT DOESN'T TAKE OVER AND INVADE THE SPACE. There's root rot and fungus that will take over OUR heart and mind. Keep what is GOOD. Throw out what is NOT. Don't let it invade. TRUTH: I hate tackling disease in the garden. It freaks me out a little because I LOVE my plants and hate to see them (excuse me for saying this) "hurting".But you can't just ignore invasive fungi and molds and think they will go away! It doesn't! Same thing IS truth in life. Keep what's good. Throw out what's not. So here's my fearful and tearful gardener confessions so far this year: a) Firstly, this year my beautiful hedge of wine and roses weigela around our pool got "twig blight". Those Burgundy leaves around our white above ground pool is for me such great joy- it made the eyesore pretty!. To see it diseased and twiggy instead of lush and full made me sad. BUT for me it was another reminder: You can't just leave the dead wood there! It ain't growing back. It's DEAD. I ignored it but it seems to be getting worse. Time to lovingly clip away. Making space for new life. It WILL grow back or it WILL spread. And I have a choice. I'm fighting for it. b)Secondly, this spring I bought roadside geraniums (great deal!) for my front gardens. Though I instinctively wondered about the yellowing leaves I was assured it was just "sunburn" by the very caring and "knowledgable" workers. Closer inspection at home led me to discover I should have gone with my gut. I had plant rust. And the plants? As they grew they were dropping flowers and leaves before they even opened. They were dying. I WANTED to throw them ALL OUT out of fear of that stinking rust taking over.. but the frugal side of me was not going to buy a whole bunch of new geraniums. So you know what? I've been cutting back every stinking leaf with rust, I've been fertilizing and NEW GREEN LIFE IS SPRINGING FORTH. So- for those of you who say gardening is work- well... um.... yes. This post will affirm it. It is. It IS. It's sweaty and dirty and makes your body ache. But its beautiful too. And here's the thing: Life is work too, friends. It's sweaty and dirty. BUT it's beautiful too. We've got to cut out the dead wood. We've GOT TO. We've got to throw out what' s rotting or diseased in our hearts and minds. We've GOT TO. It's imperative for OUR health too. As I clip my plants I hear it in my mind... "It's just dead wood. It's not life giving.". But it is oh so hard for ME to clip and watch that hole I've made. It's SO visible. It seems so UGLY. Maybe your hurt is so visible. Maybe your pain is so UGLY. Maybe yours loss is so visible AND ugly . Oh friend-- I am so sorry. He feels for all our HURT. He hurts for all our hurt. His heart bleeds for those moments when we even try to see what's good and what's not and get just a little ready to painfully release it. I just know there's something to cut back today and release- hurt, anger, disappointment, jealousy, fear... I don't know what it is but it's not life giving. It's DEAD. Let it go. And the beautiful thing is that in these cut backs and set backs... HE'S GOT OUR BACKS. We aren't alone. We partner WITH Him. When we listen and let it go- He's getting ready to soon put you on show. You're going to revive and be oh so beautiful. Please wait with tears mingled with joy and expectation because it's coming. IT'S COMING! There's new green life springing up and it's going to fill that empty space. You are safe, you're loved, you matter. And His plans for you are good. It's funny how when your car is empty you know to fill it with fuel. You don't jam in a donut or a bag of chips.
And yet when our insides run empty or raw we look for all kinds of fillers. The pantry opens and closes incessantly here when I am running emptied and craving an insta-fix. The Facebook and Instagram app goes on and off endlessly in my search for... SOMETHING. And like the cheap fillers in meats and the vast cosmetic fillers to get rid of your age lines...the fillers I go for in those times add bulk to my body and time but add no content or lasting value. This week's a dry week. A week of being a little world weary and tear torn. A week when the stuff of life makes my heart ache for something that would GO IN and FILL that space. SOOO this week I reach for the cookies and chips and the items off my "not good for me" list. And those items are like those cosmetic fillers and those food fillers. They just don't last. So I go for another and another. It's a cycle. A stupid STUPID cycle. And when I've had enough of the cycle I ACTUALLY pour my heart out enough to empty out the deep etching made by the fresh wound or disappointment instead of holding onto it. And THAT'S when I've got a place that's ready enough for RE-filling. Oh thirsty sister. Why do we try to "filler up" when what we're made for is being filled up? Why do we sometimes leak out ONLY A LITTLE of the hurt and then quickly try to put something in? Why do we sometimes let ourselves stop short of letting it ALL OUT to the one who made us so it can be a ready place to fill? I'm sorry for the stuff of life-- for people who disappoint, for words that wound, for stress and illness and for pain. I'm sorry for broken promises, broken plans and broken dreams. But if you leak out the parts that got carved out inside and made your soul sick... I know He'll FILL it up. Why didn't my morning devotions fill? Because I didn't spill. He can't pour into the new cracks and crevices when they are all infected and I won't let Him in. Deep breath. RE-LEASE. RE-FILL. RE-VIVE. RE-PLACE. RE-FUEL. It's beauty for ashes.. but YOU have to let go of the ashes for the trade off to work. Let it out and let it go. You are loved. You are safe. You matter. AND HIS plans for you are good. I found this little half eaten swallowtail butterfly tattered and battered at roadside a few weeks back after a lovely visit with a friend. I carried him back on my coffee cup. I left him safely tucked in my front porch plant away from predators and googled what to do when so much of a wing was missing. He still waved his wings... there was hope. I like hope. And I like to bring hope.
I've been blessed to have had such great times of it. Bringing hope-- it brings one hope. It's another amazing circle of life. I had a glimpse into the beauty of this cycle of hope with some little critters about 5 years ago. Little bits of life that God used to complete the circle of hope in me. A timid WALKING dragonfly that was sitting in the middle of our yard that wouldn't yet fly? He rested in our little makeshift bucket home- safe and away from predators. And later that evening when he was good and ready we thrust him into the air and yes...he soared up into the sky and away. The big fat bumblebee that kept WALKING and circling about my vegetable garden? I put him in my garden close to some flowers and nectar so he could rest and eat. I gardened and gardened. And then I watched him take off a few hours later. I loved those beautiful tender times. Those times were the moments God spoke into MY little battered spirit and spoke His hope right in. The times I called out to the little creatures, "Don't you know you can fly?" and then heard as God echoed back into my spirit the very same words, "Don't you know YOU can fly?" He's saying it to us all. We're made to fly. I know it. It's hard to dream when you are focussed on surviving. But when you find you're safe, you're loved, you matter.. you REST. And then you dream and fly again. That's for me. That's for you. Please rest in that today. You are safe, you're loved, you matter. But my butterfly? He did NOT fly. He was not just resting to go from surviving to soaring again. I didn't realize it but not only his wing was ripped. He'd been really torn and eaten up inside. His body had a big gaping hole in it that I could not mend. In fact the ants were there all marching in. I saw it as they completed a circle around him. This was not the circle of hope but the circle of life. And I DID NOT LIKE IT. NOT ONE LITTLE BIT. I had completely expected THIS story to go as per my other encounters. Rescue, rest, fly. Happy ending. I LIKE happy endings. But NOT for this butterfly. My hope was a little battered. I lifted him up and shook off the ants. I brought him to a new little resting spot-- this time not hidden at all. I put him on display on our Japanese Maple. His wings were such a beautiful contrast to the tree. Indeed he was too pretty to bury. He needed to be seen and recognized for the beauty he had brought. So I called my kids to see the amazing colours of this swallowtail up real and close. They enjoyed it's beauty and then they moved on. But ME? I had a hard time moving on. I didn't completely get it. AT ALL. The words are still coming to life in me but I want to share it even as I process it for myself. There is a message in it I know. Sometimes we have to let dead things go. We have to release what can't be. We have to be ready for things NOT to work out the way they did BEFORE. YOU SEE.. IT'S A NEW THING. NEW. We have to allow things to be cut back. Cut back sometimes so much you almost can't see what was... so that the new life can be free to spring up. We have to be ready to relinquish and release. EVEN if that something that was before was oh so very beautiful. Because NEW things can't be received and grown and sown and shown if we are still holding onto the old. There's something new ahead for all of us. HE's always up to something NEW. I hear Him whispering it over us all. "It's NEW. It's NEW." Behold I am doing a new thing. There's newness in your relationships, there's newness in your home, there's newness in your impact and influence, there's newness in EACH day you get up. IT'S NEW. We've got to let go of how things happened before. We've got to let His words of life grow in us. It's NEW. It's NEW. It's NEW for you. Hey! Hope you enjoyed the May long weekend!! Sorry I missed posting. Thanks for all of you that checked in! You're such an encouragement.... you make my eyes leak a little.
What did you do? As you can see from my picture above we went to the zoo! We also mulched and mulched, wrestled with overgrown wild rose bushes so they could be beautiful and flourish again, went for bikes hikes, went to soccer games, went to the Stampede, and of course watched the royal wedding. Ok. Let me correct that. I watched the royal wedding. The other men folk made comments about when it would be over but I had the volume WAY up so I could partake in the fairy tale and blocked out the sideline commentary coming from the family room. It was pretty fun to watch all the fascinating fascinators and to be honest there was a lot of real just plain gorgeous transparency despite it being so regal and way outside my reality. The truth and beauty spoken about God's love made my eyes leak a little and my heart leap a little though. The highlight of the weekend-even over that royal wedding- was most definitely that my family went to the zoo. We haven't been in 17 years! We went with the big boys when Dan and I were first dating and they were not so big(!) and haven't been there since. On the weekend trip one of our little guys was so captivated and lost in the moment of watching the penguins I heard him say to himself "this is the best day of my life". And you know what that does: it makes a momma heart smile and makes it one of the best day of hers too. BUT I was on a derailed mission to get a ferocious open mouthed lion for you at the zoo after my last post. In case you missed it... I once googled how to stop a hungry lion and discovered an amazing connection that REALLY applies to stopping those things that are trying to tear and devour you up inside as well. If you haven't read the blog post it's here and still one of my favourite aha moments: www.catherinegillard.com/blog/flickering-lights The link to the article where the boy created an incredible system of lion lights now works on the blog. If you haven't read it check out the link!! As you can see from my picture above... at the zoo on this gorgeous day the lions were sleepy. That bright light was STREAMING right over them and they were resting. That's legit them in the picture. Not pacing, not moving. They were NOT on the prowl at all. In fact, in that moment as I stared at them truth about the lion lights success caught me again: Lions go INTO the DARK to hunt. That's the key to why the boy's ingenius system worked. The lights flashed visible and bright IN THE DARK. Confusing and scaring off the lions. And they were made to do that because that's when they were needed. That's when people are in danger. When they try to hide in the dark. That's where lions hunt and that's where lies prowl and tear you up. In the dark. NOT in the light. Flickering lights work. It's time to think it through and commit to heart why. It's been proven both in the heat of that little village AND in the heat of OUR daily lives. The truth is we CAN stop those lion things --or should I say those LYIN' things- that come at us and we start to believe have the power to devour us. I don't think it's a coincidence that a giant was fought by a boy about the same size as this kid who made the lion lights. It wasn't their size. Both just took faith over fear. And both took faith in bringing things in line with the LIGHT. They both showed us the truth. DON'T HIDE IN THE DARK SCARED. There's no true safety there. STEP INTO THE LIGHT. So here's the ONE battle plan: 1) KEEP THE LIGHT ON. Fight for it. Tear down anything that blocks your receiving light. Cut down any overgrowth and undergrowth that rises up or over the light of truth flickering in your life. 2) DON'T LET YOUR HEART LIGHT FLICKER ALONE. Connect for it. Find a group of people to flicker WITH. Tell them your struggles and choose to LISTEN and RECEIVE truth. It's a system and not a solitary flicker that gave it power. And first off I want to say... You are NOT alone. It's a LIE. You can flicker WITH the one who's light is brighter than day and He'll illuminate the way. HE SHUTS THE MOUTHS OF LIONS. He shuts up lies. GO TOWARDS that light. He's always on your team. He fights for YOU. Seek him and He WILL put others in your path to shine with you too. It's HIS WAY. Send a note here if you need prayer. Join in because you're meant to be part of our string of beautiful lights. So what are we gonna do? Operate IN the light. Stay IN the LIGHT. And that hungry lion? He'll sleep. TONIGHT. And besides that? That lyin' problem in your head won't just sleep tonight. It'll will grow weak and hungry. The royal wedding was beautiful. But truth is Harry and Meghan have got NOTHING on us. We're IN the family of the bluest and truest blood there ever was. We're sons and daughters of THE King. We're going to lack NO GOOD THING. And our daddy God is SO proud of each and every flicker of light we bring. Keep on shining! You're made for this! I am so VERY excited. These PRETTY little garden lights are all glowing around my patio now that the warm weather has come. You know I love my garden. Now I love it even 10x more.
YUP. We've put out solar lights. They are soooo BEAUTIFUL. I want to go out just to be with them when the sun goes down. In truth I actually get up IN THE NIGHT (you know why) and then always feel the need to go check on them out the back window or door. I have to see them. Are they still glowing? YUP. I'm totally mesmerized by the way they collect the light and then reflect so bright illuminating all around my backyard near the house while I sleep. And the size of the cast shadow of light is unbelievable. It encircles my patio. It casts an image that is easily 10x the size of the lantern itself. I'll take you an actual picture tonight. It's so pretty. But here's the thing: in the night as I see them glow they make me think. Do I collect light like that? Do I set my sensors up and ready to collect it all and get prepared that when the lights are dim around me I can cast a shadow of light that is multiple times my size? I once googled how to stop a hungry lion. Because I want to protect those who feel eaten up. Because I myself once felt like running from all the stuff that felt like it was tearing me up inside and feasting on my thoughts and heart. And I want to be a lion fighter not only in my life but in others. I want to be a lion fighter in your life AND help you fight that lion. I don't want us to feel threatened or need to run sisters. Because you've got mad skills. There's no need to run and hide. It's time to face that lion and figure out how to stop him from tearing us up inside. So you want to know how? It's pretty mind blowing. To stop hungry lions a boy ACTUALLY created a device to keep them from his home. You know what it was? You can read about it here: https://www.cnn.com/2013/02/26/tech/richard-turere-lion-lights/index.html If you take a minute to check that out... you can see his device was simple. It was a system of flickering lights. LIONS ARE CONFUSED BY FLICKERING LIGHTS. Does that hit you? LIGHTS CONFUSE LIONS. You and I are made to collect light and reflect light. We're made to be lights that shine bright. We CAN stop that thing that's ready to devour us. You can and I can. We've got to store that light and shine that light and reflect that light and live that light and love that light and soak up that light. So stay in the light y'all. Soak up some truth today. My little solar lights ain't going to work if they're hiding under a rock. They gotta sit in that light all day and when the darkness comes they shine that big light that's multiple times their size. And so can we! Be blessed and shine. Love you! Today my head is full thinking about just one thing. About "ONE."
It's such a small number. It sits little and alone. But today I've been thinking about all the "ONES" that have so much significance.. so much power. The power of ONE can change your life. One bite of food can make those of us with allergies extremely sick. One note can divide an orchestra. One person's actions can damage a team. One diagnosis can alter your future. One phone call can break your heart. ONE. I've watched it sucker punch and hit hard for me and for those I love. BUT that power to wound is NOT the only power "ONE" has. It's hard truth that sometimes "ONE" can carve out places in our hearts that we didn't know could hurt so bad and take so much time to fill and mend that we begin to think that the depth they took from us never going to heal. Life can have some awful ONES like that. But there's also this ONE that holds things together. This ONE that fills those spaces and broken places. This ONE who speaks ONE word and calms a storm. This ONE who takes ONE lunch and then feeds a whole bunch ... ONE BY ONE BY ONE. Because each ONE matters. YOU matter. You see there's this ONE-- this ONE whose love for you is so great--who wants you to know there's so much more than just that ONE thing you see right now even though it's SO big it's the only thing in your sightline. I understand how big that ONE thing can look. It's amazing what perspective does in drawings. It makes us see what's close and what's far. Things look large that are up close and small that are far away. And that's the truth in our lives too. What ONE thing we are sitting closest to can even block our view. And the same is true in our heads and hearts. I've always been a big picture planner- motivated by working towards goals and future aspirations. But there's been these times in my life where I just couldn't see ANYTHING ahead for that sudden GIANT problem staring me in the eye and blocking my future view. And these times.. they are hard. Brutal. I wouldn't choose them. But they're truthfully also the times that have taught me the most about moving forward when you feel like your feet are stuck in cement. Because it's about another way that ONE holds power. It's about the ONE who hears and sees and cares. It's about taking ONE step to put HIM in view. RIGHT BETWEEN YOU AND THAT GIANT OF A PROBLEM. And it's about that next ONE step to move. ONE. One idea, one smile, one phone call, one word, one book, one medicine, one thought, one choice.. ONE. ONE will change a lot. ONE got me through my darkest, hardest days. One phone call to a friend to see how she was doing. One song on repeat. One walk with one person put on my heart. One word in my hope jar that helped me see beyond what was going on right then and there and know that there was indeed more than what I thought was all I saw. One word to remind me that each day there was still ONE more thing to be thankful for. ONE. It's just ONE away. That's so close friend. You can touch it. It's in your grasp. You can chose it and you can reach it. You can! ONE is actually my now favourite number. It's the number that makes me think of Jesus and the power of His ONE life for so many. And it's the number that makes me think of you. If reading this one blog helps ONE person and it's you... it's worth the time to write and rewrite it. YOU are my ONE. And YOU matter. Because the ONE Jesus I know drew ONE line in the sand when others had stones to throw. And He took ONE side in the mess. He took ours. He's stooped down in our mess- where we've been pushed to the ground too. He's looking us in the eye and saying take ONE step with me. There's no stones for throwing... just His life as stepping stones for walking over and on. I know He's beaming in joy at just your smallest movement and ready for what's later because he sees that soon you may just walk on water. It's COMING. Go come up with ONE idea, call ONE friend, encourage ONE person, smile to brighten ONE person's day, declare ONE truth over your life, or write ONE thing down you are thankful for. Because that ONE step and that ONE thing holds power. And the ONE who made it that way is cheering you on. He's singing ONE powerful love song while you move to take that one step. Take that ONE small step forward. And then another and another. You ARE going places sista! There's an amazing story being written in your beautiful life. Love you! Hope and change are political platforms. I've seen elections won on hope and change. Those tools are powerful and when powerfully harnessed.. they carry people towards a future.
Not sure what you believe.. but there is no doubt we are wired that way. The brain is powerful. There's so much that hinges on our thoughts and I know we can agree because so much research backs it up. It's just a fact. In fact I think we can also agree that it's the overflow of what's within us, what we've been thinking about that comes out our mouth. And what's more- that our actions stem from our thoughts. The writer of those words penned truth that I think we can agree on no matter where we come from in faith. So what do we do with days where there's no hope for change and no change for hope going on? I've been mulling that over. I've been thinking about times I've been stuck and times I've seen my friends stuck. Stuck because the sharp edges of this world can wound, or stuck because the broken bits of fragmented life just lead you to a place you can't see out of or past. And while there I've been also thinking of those I love in my life who say they don't want hope and don't want change. But I have to tell you something else.. it may seem random but I promise it will relate. I had one of my wisdom teeth out this week and it wasn't a party at all. The roots were so deep and wide they worked for like 1/2 hour without it budging and then decided to slit the gum and drill into it to get some wiggle and pull. It wasn't pretty. There was a lot of blood flying around. BUT I felt pretty tough to manage staying awake with my mouth wide open and all that business going on in there. Or well mostly awake because after the worst of it I somehow suddenly realized they were stitching and it was out and I didn't remember how we got there. Between you and me though here's the simple truth.. my right knee was literally shaking... involuntarily and uncontrollably... and I think I may have zoned out somewhere near the end. But I kept a straight face and even made some jokes after. I then carried that tooth home like a trophy and if you're lucky enough to be one of my friends or family you got to see that #deepandwide #seriousroots tooth either up close and real or on the photo I posted for science and educational purposes. That got me some sympathy and some amazement and some grossed out friends. Sorry.. but not sorry. The thing is though.. after my pride and amazement wore down... that gaping hole wouldn't stop bleeding. So I just kept biting on the gauze. For hours. All night. Though I had gotten my family roast chicken nonetheless for dinner and it smelt incredible I kept a positive attitude and I made broth from the bones for a later stage when I just might be able to put stuff in my mouth again. I sipped a little water to drink between gauze applications, even tried a little broth and then hunkered down to sleep and hoped the blood draining into my throat wouldn't turn me into a vampire. LOL. But the weirdest part happened around 2:00 am. I woke up and knew something was wrong. I couldn't pee! I was clammy, freezing, shaking and started to drop to the ground. My husband got me and despite my protests got me to drink some apple juice. I guess I was both low blood sugar and dehydrated. It was actually pretty scary. AND DUMB. I somehow kept thinking I should wait till the bleeding stopped to drink more. That the little sips would be enough. And that's not true. You and I know it. We were made thirsty and without water our body gets into big trouble. But here's the other thing. We're made to drink on hope too. It's important lifeblood in our veins. Without hope, without vision- people perish. That's famous. And it's famous because it also is truth. So friend.. we can't wait till the bleeding stops to start putting in some hope. We can't. Take a walk, go to a movie, get out of that house. Call someone up. Reach out to someone else hurting. Try something you've never done yet. MAKE A CHANGE. Don't keep doing what you're doing. There's hope in that change. And there's change in that hope. It's just little sips at a time. Just little steps at a time. BUT don't stop. You can't wait to take a big drink of hope till after that bleeding stops. Just take a step today ok? You are loved. And if you want to walk with someone I'm here. And I also know someone else who really wants to take you by the hand and help you know that there's power in His name and that there's victory ahead and that he's going to turn it around for good. But you've got to take some sips of the water and don't stop ok? Love you! Be blessed. Reach out and take some sips of hope. And then offer a cup of hope for someone else today. You matter. And they matter. Hey all! I see you out there checking in on different days and again want to say thanks for your support. You rock my world. I can't tell you how much it means to know we are doing this thing of figuring out life together! Love you!!! I'd REALLY like to hear from you. Please do post a comment or two and start a dialogue on here. I would love to make this a safe place to chat and walk together! So... So much has happened since we last talked about confidence. I've been really mulling it over. And it seems everywhere I turn it is either speaking into my confidence or trying to shake my confidence. That's pretty cool how that happens isn't it? And I'm pretty confident that's no coincidence.. So here's the 5 thoughts circulating in my head about A RESILIENT confidence that are being shaped in the furnace of life. This is what I'm figuring out about having a kind of confidence that KEEPS on going even in those raw and rocky situations that are UNFAIR and HARD. This is what I'm learning about forging on where it seems there is no way. This is what I'm learning about being a woman who makes CHANGE in spite of what is going on. I don't know about you.. but I WANT to be that person. That person who left something more than what was when I first got here. I want to make my life COUNT... even if I'm shaken. I want to learn to stand firm. So here it is. Here comes my little list of 5 things I've learned about confidence: 1) A confidence that isn't shaken can't be BASED on our ability. It's funny because this goes right against all the confidence building literature out there. I understand the need for a healthy self esteem. I AGREE you need to know you MATTER not because others say you do, but because of YOU. And that you are capable and talented and that you should NOT hide. That you are a masterpiece. So don't get me wrong. The truth of it is: I loved being successful at school. I loved getting good grades and being the one people came to for help. I loved being looked at as a "good" person and model citizen. I loved being a kind person, a helpful person, a smart person. I loved doing things that made awesome life change for others. But if I can be real here.. AND I'm telling you this is the place to be real because I am dead set committed to this place being a journey for us together.... Here's more of the truth: I've been in a place so wracked by hurt I didn't have the confidence to ask for a clean cup in a restaurant when the one I had had lipstick all over it. Where I didn't want to speak up AT ALL for fear of being noticed and having to answer questions about life because I didn't want to talk about my life. Life can sometimes SUCK the confidence right out of us if our confidence is put in us. I understand being in a place where you just want to HIDE because you don't want to be seen.. Some of you get what I'm saying and some of you don't. And that's ok. Because I'm not trusting in my ability or appearance or skill and ability to keep us going here. My worth isn't there. My identity isn't in ME. And I'm so glad for that. I am quite sure some of you will think I am a dork.. and that is OK! It's not my skill confidently moving me on in writing this. I'm pressing on because OUTSIDE of me and any skill I may or may not have...I know this really sharing your life with others matters. Outside of my having a bad day writing here and boring you to tears.... I'm doing it. I'm here laying down my life for you to walk on if you need to. Because here's what I see: abilities run out. When my confidence slips or the confidence of my friends slip it is usually when we are trusting our own worth or skill to get us through. Don't get me wrong.. those confident people I know, myself included, KNOW they can make change. They believe they matter and CAN be used to do something powerful. That's the first part of confidence. SHOWING UP! KNOWING YOU CAN MAKE THE DIFFERENCE. And sister.. you do. You matter. But what about when the task is greater than your skillset? When your confidence in your ability slips. How do you not quit and run? I see the people who stay around put their confidence in something GREATER than themselves and KEEP ON GOING. So here are my other conclusions: 2) A confidence that doesn't slip can't be based on our present success or situation. When my confidence slips it is when the present situation isn't in line with what I want/ what I think is fair/ what I think is good/ what I think I can handle. And here's what I've learned. I can't stare at the situation. They can surprise us. That's the truth. I HAVE to look beyond the situation. I have to be determined there's something out there worth moving towards. I have to have faith and determination. There's something bigger that matters than just what's happening right now. So I press on. 3) A resilient confidence can't be based on our past track record. There's two sides to this. I can't count on my past successes to keep me afloat in new situations. It might not! AND.. I can't stay tied to my past failures if I am going to move forward. Fear and failure are awful anchors. They are deadweights. I have to throw them off and move on. And success can be some awful blinders that lead us to be blindsided when something more challenging comes our way. The only thing the past can do is give us the skills and tools to keep going. And I KNOW someone who is bolstering your tool belt as you go with EVERY situation you let him grow you in. 4) A resilient confidence can't be based on people and their responses. People might might not respond the way we expect and we have to keep going. People might high tail and run themselves because they are scared.. People might take sides. People might even betray you or stab you in the back. People might badmouth you. I'm sorry if that sounds so awful. I don't mean it to be. It is... but I also have seen it's true. You have to know... that's an awful thing for this Pollyanna to admit. I see the good in everyone. It's both an advantage and a weakness. BUT I do get it now. I can't put my confidence in what people say/ think or do! I'm sorry if someone has hurt you or is hurting you right now. It bleeds. And Jesus heart bleeds for that pain you are in right now too. The truth IS he gets it. So give it to him and put that giant cross that was both death and life between you and that people. And lean into the power that conquered the grave. So here's my final conclusion: 5) A resilient confidence IS GROWN. It's grown where there is something bigger than you, the situation, the past and the people. Where there is something worth grasping, worth imagining, worth striving towards, worth holding onto, worth chasing. It's grown when you fail and get back up. Where you see others fail and you show them how to get back up. Where you see what is and hold onto what can be. Where you trust there is something MORE powerful possible than what is. For some women.. that life change had nothing to do with God or faith. It was just something bigger and they lived for it. For me... that's why I write this blog. For us to keep going sisters.. despite our limitations, despite others limitations, despite our circumstances. Please be confident... Get back up again. It's not whether you get knocked down, but whether you get back up. It's not whether you failed but whether you try again. There's something bigger worth fighting for. For me that's that this world would be a better place and that more love would be known. For me that is that more people would have hope and life and freedom. For me that's Jesus. It's pretty amazing this stuff of life. I've learned that when I'm in the furnace there's a third party in there too. I've learned that I'm not alone and I've learned to call him in. And when I trust in my own abilities and they fail, when I trust in my past circumstances and it's not working out the same, when I trust in others and they aren't what I thought they'd be in my journey, when I'm in a situation that is harder than I thought... I've learned to get my eyes off that stuff quicker. I've learned to rise up faster. To get back in and run. Let's keep running sister. Love you! Let me know what you think. I'd love your thoughts on resilient confidence.. the kind that doesn't quit. Press on! HUG! Catherine ![]() Sorry.. I am a little behind in posting right now. Life got busy! This post has been brewing since Women's Day.... way back before March Break! My son got sick and then everyone was home and we got busy hanging out and doing life! We also got a little time to spend with my parents which was SO good! But time has just gotten away from me so I just want to apologize and thank you all personally because I can see you actually were on here looking for a post! Thanks for the support. You guys are awesome! I couldn't think about what picture to post here. I looked it up and wasn't enamored. If you look up confident woman... pictures actually come up. Arms crossed, Busy. Looking all business. Is that what you picture in your mind? It's not just on International Women's Day but really all year through--that I really feel thankful to be a woman where I live. I'm so blessed to have the rights and privileges I have. I am thankful for the amazing women who blazed a trail before us and did things that spoke freedom to allow the brilliant minds and brave hearts of women to be truly known. My heart breaks for the women who face hurt and abuse and are mistreated. Just before March Break I had the amazing privilege of talking with a dear little sister friend who I hadn't seen in years. It was blessed time hearing about what God was doing in her life. She just recently got baptized! WOO HOO. She is on FIRE. And you know what else... she is passionate about breaking the boundaries over women. She avidly calls herself a feminist. Some of you may get upset hearing that I know. But the truth is she ISN'T about hating men or about bashing men. She speaks HIGHLY of men she knows. But she IS passionate about all about women being able to shine, about speaking up for those who don't have a voice. About making things equal and allowing the lives of our daughters to change and impact the world and be known and seen. Don't you love that she feels called to do that? But I've been thinking in two directions at once and concluding some weird things right now when I've been hashing around the idea of confidence as WELL as equality. Those women who blazed the trail before us-- they were confident that they were working toward greater good for women. They were confident that they wanted the future to see more women given opportunities and respect. And I am confident that I AM glad they did that. I am confident that Jesus knocked things upside down when he showed respect and honor to ALL women and when he stated that in Christ there is no man/ women distinction. And I am confident that oppression is NOT from the kingdom of heaven in any way shape or form. But here's the clincher.. I am also wondering if the women or rather people who ARE in difficult and dire circumstances could still have "confidence"? IS confidence pictured by that arm crossed, business suit lady? Is that what we are going to look like if we are confident? Those women IN those circumstances that changed our lives as women... they were blazing a trail. They WERE confident. BUT things WEREN'T EQUAL. I've also seen it where women in horrible and WRONGFUl situations still BOLDLY move in a streak of CONFIDENCE-- rescuing themselves or rescuing others and bringing them to safety. So I've been thinking it through. It ISN'T right in any way when things AREN'T right. But in those situations is there any chance for us to to be CONFIDENT? The OTHER clincher is... IN those circumstances IF we don't act in confidence there's going to be negative impact on our life and others! I have watched my kids grow in confidence. I've watched them gain their voice, walk in freedom, be courageous. I know they bloomed because we loved them and we spoke power and truth over them. BUT despite that I've watched them sometimes have moments where their confidence slips. Don't we all?? Even that business suit woman with arms crossed? Don't we all have moments when confidence slips? My dear little sister friend that I got to chat with..she is outspoken and honest and raw. She's been using her voice for some time and is mostly undaunted by those who criticize her without fairness. BUT... I have her permission to say this. In our super transparent conversation I could see a moment where EVEN HER confidence slipped. CRAZY eh? What about some of my other friends.... who are some of the most confident people I know? Does their confidence slip? MINE does. And I've watched theirs. I think if we are honest all of ours do. So what do you do when you are in a situation that ISN'T RIGHT or FAIR? When that confidence is slipping and yet it is essential because without pressing on and in we may never manifest that change that is needed. What do we do? Do we give up? Do we shrink? OR Do we RISE up? Too often I know I shrink. I wanted to HIGH TAIL IT and run. It's fight or flight I guess. I've been thinking about what to do when we DON'T FEEL CONFIDENT. When CIRCUMSTANCES shake our socks and in them no arm crossing and power suit wearing will change it. Because I don't believe at all that confidence is formed there. I am confident that there are other places this confident resilience is formed-- a confidence that carries on and through difficult situations and presses on. I see women of faith and women without faith who remain confident even under those circumstances. I'd love to hear from you before I share my own thoughts! Please write in! Let's start a conversation here. I'll post my 5 conclusions about confidence RIGHT after Easter this weekend. Love ya! Thankful to be journeying with you! HAHAH. Yes friend. STUCK. AGAIN.
It's like a series of unfortunate incidents around here. And this time I can't even blame it on crazy glue (if you need more info just read the previous post "Isn't that Super?") This time it was actually a chair that got me. Yes it did. A chair trapped me. I know that sounds weird. It's weird. And I also know I am starting to appear accident prone to those of you who don't know me well. So please let me clarify. I am not. REALLY. I am NOT usually this accident prone. Or incident prone. Or whatever. I mean to be honest I can recall being stuck in a stool as a child because I had this amazing idea to turn it upside down and sit in between the little bars and put my elbows on them to brace up the book I was going to read. Seemed like a great plan to me and it worked awesomely. Went without a hitch until my book was done. But when I went to get up I soon found out my butt was wedged and I could not do anything but yell for my amazing parents to come free me. Shout out to mom and dad who I must say came running super quick. BUT they stopped short at the door and paused to burst out laughing. And they are STILL laughing because YES that incident comes up again and again because YES they still own that old wooden stool and YES they do bring that story up from time to time and YES I get to relive it in all it's glory. But that my friends was years and years ago. And that chair was just a cute little stool. But THIS chair? THIS chair was vicious. No cute little stool here. Jaws of steel. It was unrelenting. And let me clarify the most important detail. NO ONE WAS AROUND. NO ONE TO HELP. Ok. I just heard you laugh out loud and picture it a bit. YEAH. It's ok. Go ahead because I literally laugh each time I remember it and I'm laughing right now too. I want you to rest assured the likelihood of this EVER happening to anyone is like next to zero. You don't need to worry about the chair coming for you. I am VERY very sure. So if you do get trapped by a chair I want to hear about it. I need your story so please do comment on here. Because misery loves company, friend. But back to my story. Here's what happened: I had just finished leading a kids small group and went to tidy up and leave. We had had chips as a treat and as I picked up my backpack and coat and went to head out the door and turn out the lights I saw a little bag wrapper sticking out from the chair so I went to pick it up. I kicked it with my foot to get it out from under the chair and that's when the chair grabbed me. Or it seemed. (In honesty I think my kick went high). And so now my leg was caught in the metal jaws where the chair folds and my bags threw the one armed karate kicking lady off balance. So I kicked again. HARD. I kicked to shake that attacking chair off my leg. And then you guessed it. I fell. The chair collapsed under my legs and now my legs were in a lock hold-- folded up neatly below my now arched body which was pinned OVER the chair. I am NOT kidding. And I don't have any explanation how both legs got stuck pinned in that folding part. But they were. So next I start to try to leverage any of my core strength to get my upper body back up. I threw off the backpack and pushed up with my elbows on the ground. But with every move that chair just grabbed a tighter bite on my legs. Seriously. The more I tried to move the more it grabbed and bit my legs as they were squished under the weight of my own body in it's vice. I still can't even try to explain how such a thing is possible. But there was nothing to do and NO ONE to call as everyone had gone home from that part of the building. So I did what you do when you are stuck in hard place. I said, "HELP ME JESUS!". Does that sound funny? I haven't had an experience before to call for his help while wrestling a chair. EVER. But I did. And he did. And with all my might "I" threw my body up and somehow wriggled free. I went home laughing a little but still wondering how that was possible. The thought crossed my mind that maybe that chair had gone rogue and needed to be thrown out. (just kidding). But I honestly was a little shaken up because being trapped and alone with no one to call is a little frightening and weird. And friends if I can remind you--the trap was a chair-- so I'm thinking that's just as weird as it gets. The next day I started to think about it again and try to figure out rationally how that was even possible. I started to converse with God about it a little. "What is UP with that? That's the weirdest thing I've yet to have happen.", I said to him. And after I said that I kid you not.... this is what words went into my head. "The fear of man is a snare." To be honest the word snare has never been so vividly understood in my mind before. You struggle in a trap and the more you move the more you are stuck. That saying, "the fear of man is a snare"-- it's from Proverbs-- it's a book of wisdom. And the end says "But whoever puts their trust in God is safe". I was literally in a snare chair. And the more I moved the more I was stuck. And yes, peeps, that fear of man-- that's the snare chair of my life. I've worried about what others thought. I set as a goal to be everyone's friend. HONESTLY. I stressed when I didn't make someone happy. I did my utmost to make it smooth and to try to win over the love of people I couldn't seem to win. That snare/ trust equation? I don't know about you, but it's been like a life long lesson for me. We CAN'T be all he's made us to be and do all he's called us to do faceup with our legs in crushing trap of trying to win other's over. They might be unhappy with us but if we've done our utmost there's nothing else to do. Love them. But don't make their voice the loudest. There's only one voice that should get that good a grip on our hearts and minds. It's God's. Listen to HIM over any other voice. I remember once a lovely older lady I had asked for prayer over a situation said to me, "It doesn't matter what anyone thinks, it only matters what God thinks." It was when my husband of one year had left and I had prayed in earnest for the next year -- day after day-- hour after hour-- for my little mustard seed of faith to move the mountain and for us to be reunited. He'd agreed to go out for his birthday a year later. I thought she was WAY OFF saying that. But it turned out she wasn't. He wasn't meeting to reunite--he was meeting to finalize what he wanted and how to handle the divorce. In honesty I didn't want that black label of divorce on me. I didn't want to walk that path. I meant my vows and meant to keep going. You know what? I had to let go. I had to let go of what he thought. I had to let go of what others thought. She WAS right. She's still right. People may judge. They may judge you fairly and they may judge you unfairly. But the only judge who speaks words that TRULY matter is the one speaking words of life and safety for your heart and for your soul. Listen in to HIS words and the other voices WILL grow quieter. That snare WILL release. You WILL walk free. Just like that snare chair was held down by the weight of my own body....the hold of others thoughts and opinions is only held by the weight you give it. If you are reading this and you are hurting and held down by that weight of others still-- just call it out: "HELP ME JESUS!" He's going to come running. AND he's not laughing at all because he's so sad you were wedged there. He's wiping those tears and lifting you up and his loving eyes are smiling as he cheers, YES! Let's run free and be who I made you to be. It could be my imagination but I almost think I can remember my own joy at gluing things together as a kid. It seemed like a small miracle that those two things somehow bonded and stuck. Little clipped papers, collages, ribbons, pompoms, whatever your imagination wanted-- you could be successful as you made it stick.
I'm not so skilled anymore... but I have some of the most amazing friends who have incredible crafting talents. They manage to make things out of their ingenuity that are pretty much held together with imagination and glue. They make set designs and props and crafts for kids that look AH-MAZING on a small budget but look so professional. Their skill with glue absolutely blows my mind. They've shown me the difference between foam glue and spray glue and other adhesives I've never heard of before and through them I've seen what is possible when an artist has a glue gun in their hand. But the thing that really strikes my heart beyond their skill is who they are. They are pure joy to me. Their attitude is so positive. They laugh right through their glue gun incidents. And they make me laugh till my asthma starts me coughing and my belly hurts from all the exercise it's getting. I know they are good for me. I feel good just being around them. Those glue gun incidents have had a way of bonding us. (BAHAHA.) But back to my glue skills. I'm not sure where you sit on the craftiness scale -- but my success and talent with glue kind of ended in those early years and they aren't near where those glue gun artists are. In fact I've managed to glue a few things I shouldn't have more than a few times in my life. I've glue gunned my fingers so the layer of glue took a pretty serious layer of skin off and left a scar. And I've crazy glued my fingers shut so that it took another person to help me get them apart. But my experience a few weeks ago has topped the chart of my sticky situations for sure. You see I was on my way to a meeting and after putting on my boots I suddenly discovered the little flap on the heel of my boot was coming off. AGAIN. I had found some beautiful brown genuine leather boots in the fall for under $10.00 and that made me pretty happy. I LOVE thrifting!! But the little piece of leather that covers round the heel to make it pretty just keeps on falling off. I've tried all kinds of glue. So when I'd put them on that morning only to notice it had fallen off again I decided to end the problem then and there and went with crazy glue to fix it quick . I got the flap to stick with my pointer finger and held it on for a while in place. And then ta-da! I took my finger off the heel and... well... most of it was actually stuck to my finger. But that wasn't the funniest part of it. When I went to lift my boot up and go...my foot stayed put. I had crazy glued my boot to kitchen floor. I wanted to get upset because my quick fix on the run to get somewhere had now turned into something that was quite possibly going to make me late and yet I couldn't stop laughing. I guess my friends have taught me to laugh when situations with glue go awry. Or life has taught me to laugh at myself. Or.. well... probably both. So I yanked that boot with all my might and after some serious straining got it to lift off the tile floor. In a hurry I left that big sticky crazy glue mark on the floor to care for later and took off jetting down the road to get to my meeting. Driving on the way there I couldn't stop both laughing about it AND thinking about it. It was more than just a funny story I was going to share with my friends to give them a chuckle. The image of my foot stuck-- it stuck with me. I had unwittingly made myself stand pretty firm, pretty immovable. What a concrete picture of "standing fast". I don't know about you but I can be swayed. I can be knocked off balance by people's opinions or words or by situations. I can be jarred aside or even fall flat because of it. Glue is handy in an artists tool belt. And dangerous perhaps in an amateur or unskilled hand. We can get ourselves stuck to what we aren't meant to stick to. Like that situation we play over and over in our mind thinking about how to undo or redo. Or those words from a friend that just won't come unglued from our mind. Those aren't firm places. Those aren't anchors. They are dead weights and back breakers. But in the right hands the right things can get stuck in the right places. And make something beautiful. I don't know about you but I don't want to be stuck to things I'm not meant to be. I don't want to be stuck in ruts and well worn familiar grooves that keep pulling me over again and again and leaving me stuck. I remember a season I had a few years back where I felt stuck. I kept asking God what to do. I thought if I knew the right move I could get MOVING. I asked him OFTEN. And in asking him over and over I heard him press on my heart and in my spirit these words: "I love you." That made me feel loved BUT also in honest truth frustrated because there wasn't ANYTHING to DO. And in between I heard him say "be steadfast". Does that actually sound like action to you? It didn't feel like something to do to me... like not even a bit. It seemed like INACTION. I looked it up. And discovered that being steadfast could be a verb. Being steadfast was "to be stayed fast". I guess to paraphrase being steadfast could be to "stay glued". That means staying glued instead of coming "unglued" by my worry or fear or hurt or pain or the thoughts of others. Staying on His course, staying in His route. Staying in His trust. Staying in His truth. Staying in His word. Staying in His love. STAYING FAST. STAYING GLUED. I don't know what unglues and at the same time entangles and "affixes" you in places you aren't meant to stay in your mind or your heart or your life, friend. But I know that there is a really skilled artist who made us and calls us his masterpiece. And he's a master artist even better than my glue gun friends. And his skills are unbelievable. He wants to set your feet real immoveable on the firmness of HIS truth so you can walk ABOVE any situation and keep it UNDER your feet instead of it pressing you down and fixing you right stuck. Being stayed fast or crazy glued means letting his words and truth be where I fix my mind. Where I fix my thoughts. Where I fix my sticky messy situations. Because fixed on him.. that's where I'm free. I'm praying for you. Praying you can stay firm and be unmoved and together we can fix our eyes on him and RUN. Don't let those things stick that aren't meant to stick and don't stay stuck to those things you aren't meant to stay stuck to. STAY FAST because I hear him singing it over you too. He's quieting you with His love. He's singing over you. He loves you. STAY FIRM! AND you know what??? I love ya too! ![]() It's funny. Sometimes you get a prompting you know God's leading.
Yesterday was a day like that. I have the joy of travelling through life with a group of ladies who encourage and support each other. We called ourselves soul sistas when we started about 4 years ago. It was just a motly crew of ladies who God put together to hope and encourage each other. The groups shifted over time but it's purpose hasn't wavered. Now our group has risen up as we've gotten stronger and we're ready to be dangerous for the kingdom and to do battle so we started to call ourselves sword sistas. But the title isn't important. We're just a group of freedom fighters running arm and arm and looking for others we can help up and get back up running on this awesome journey too. We started a new study yesterday. And as I was preparing I felt this strong prompting that God said.. "It's time to get out the mirrors. It's time to look in the mirror." Stink. Really? I had second guessed it enough to wonder if the ladies would find it corny and rationalized that my stack of Mary Kay mirrors (HAHAH. If you need anything let me know) were packed away behind the furnace. So I put it off. But nervously in the morning I went in behind the furnace and yanked that box open and grabbed the mirrors without having to dig through all the boxes. I felt successful though still apprehensive. "So what's with the mirrors?" I openly asked God after reluctantly obeying. I heard him prompt that it was time to look in the mirror. Have the ladies look in them and write what words come to mind. "Ok. I will. I promised my obedience. "But why?" I am so glad God lets us ask. I heard James 1:22-24 resonate in my mind. I looked it up. And in a few translations. It's about hearing God but not acting on his words. It's about being like someone looking in a mirror and walking away and forgetting what they've seen. I THOUGHT I got that verse. I thought it was about seeing your boogies and misplaced hair and doing nothing about it. But today I heard it clearer. It's about looking into his word and seeing and hearing who he says you are and walking away and forgetting. About speaking those lies about yourself about being unworthy or inadequate or just plain not good enough EVEN after reading what He has to say about you. I always thought it was criticism. Like he was saying, " HEY.. you had stuff out of place in your life that looked like a BIG BOOGIE in your nose and you just walked away and did nothing about it." And you know... there's times like that for sure....BUT Today I got it in such a new way. God is CRAZY about us. He says He delights in us. And His truth mirror says we've got good ahead and plans to prosper and light to shine and that we are HIS image bearers. And don't walk away and forget it. THAT'S WHO YOU ARE. THAT'S WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. That friend who's speaking about you behind your back? That family member that criticizes you non-stop? Their mirror is faulty. You gotta look right into HIS truth mirror. You're SO loved. I'm not pregnant. Just to get that out there quick in case you were thinking this was an announcement! I'd love it.. but my husband says after two big boys and two little boys his knees can't bounce another kid. And besides.. I'm waiting on grandkids now. All the fun and way more sleep.... :)
But the word expecting has been going around my head for a couple of days and especially today. Disappointment can really do things. It can change your perspective. It can change your outlook. I've heard it said "peace begins when expectation ends" or "nothing hurts more than our expectations". It's truth. You CAN get away from the searing pain of hope defered. That stinkin' thing REALLY does make the heart sick-- just like it says in Proverbs. So if you pack up your emotions and go to the opposite end of the spectrum-- it''ll keep that heart right safe. There's no loss if you never really dreamed. If you don't hope you can't be disappointed. But to be honest that state of not hoping or wishing or dreaming can lull you into a secure place that seems really peaceful because your sitting in stillness with a dead heart. I know it. But we're not made for that. We're MADE to hope. We're made to dream. We're made to be alive right through and let that blood flow free in our heart and head. I've known a lot of hopes that disappointed. I know what it's like to marry with such big hopes and see that person walk right away with nothing you could do. I know what it's like to pour your heart into something and feel like it's been ripped right out of your chest. To hear words come from people you love that slice you right open in the gut. I know what it's like to just think feeling dead in there was better than feeling that pain again. Crushed and broken hearts can leave lifeless gaps. But instead of hope deferred I've learned to find my hope transferred. There is a hope that does not disappoint. And life has shown it. He's faithful. So I've transferred my hopes on him. He's got great plans for us, friend. He's got life and joy. Don't sell out because this broken world is no anchor for that hope. Place that hoping heart in his capable hands. Place those plans and dreams and wishes there too. And EXPECT that He's got good for you. He loves you. Get yourself a God sized dream. Put it on the altar. And watch Him raise it up to life. OH. And I AM pregnant. I'm pregnant with hope. Hope that doesn't disappoint. But I'll tell you about that later. It is a wonderful thing to be loved. Today I saw something so clearly. We were created FOR love and to BE loved-- that that would be our signature, our purpose, our pursuit. I had this moment when it seemed so clear. I realized it's no wonder the world is full of rejection-- that's the one thing that would clamp a tight lid on our lips, our heart, our homes, our outreach. It would seal up that love. I cried today for all of us. For every time we tried to love and met with rejection and hostility and skepticism and hurt. For the wounds that threatened to scar our heart right hard... but that we claimed the one who binds the broken hearted. And then I cried for those who put that hurt on us as well. Because thought their actions are unloving they are the ones who need that love too. You ARE loved. You matter.
It's been a rough week. I don't know about you but I can be misunderstood or even misliked. Actually is that a word? It should be. I hate that. I love people and I'm deeply wired to want to connect. I hate it when I don't. I hate it when I seem inadequate to them.. or too happy or too passionate or too something that doesn't jiive with them.
But lately I've been thinking about the people who choose to hate. To speak ill. To look for fault. Who try to make you feel small. Who love to find someone to talk about. Who say hurtful words behind you and even to you. I've been thinking some fairly unoriginal thoughts. Love them anyway. It's the age old truth, "love your enemies and do good to those who hate you". And you know what? It feels good. It isn't just for them! It's for you. It doesn't matter what they think. It REALLY doesn't matter. They truly can only hurt you if you let them. Stop listening. Stop caring. Stop trying to make them happy. Just love them. Put Jesus between you and them. He's right in the middle and HE see's you clearly. You are so much more than what they say. You are beautiful. SHINE. ![]() I seem to be accident prone lately. Burn after burn lately-- all from baking. And I LOVE baking. So what's the deal??? Why do I seem to skim that stinkin' cookie sheet across my hand and graze it across my arm? Not too sure but I'm trying hard to make it stop. It's happened enough times to get my attention and make me start to think a little harder about preventing it. Wounds will do that. I look down at the scars for a second and two in particular catch my eye. The one on my hand from where I caught the cookie sheet has faded till it's barely even recognizable. I can't even see it really--maybe a tiny little discoloured triangle-- and that's if you look hard. But the one on my upper arm? It's deep and dark and purple. The difference in their being that way hits me hard . That wound on the hand? I took time every day to cover it in ointment. I put some polysporin on it with a bandaid and it sure did help it heal. The other on my upper arm? I didn't do a thing. In fact, there were nights I took to scratching off the scabs till it was bloody in my sleep. It healed a mess. And it made me think for a minute about our other wounds. The ones no one can really see. The ones left from broken shards of our world and our lives. What do we do with them-- those wounds that hurt though no one can see how deep they cut? Because as much as you can literally see with your eyes the difference that caring for that wound made to the scar left on my arms -- the same is true of our hearts. I'm so glad that God cares for my wounds. That he promises to bind up the broken hearted. I'm praying for you, friend I've never met. I'm praying that you let him wash that wound and put his healing balm on it. Please care for your wound. It'll make a difference. I'm praying for while you heal. Some wounds take longer to heal than others friend. But Jesus had his scars left too. He understands. AND I'm praying for you after you heal.. That you willl you wear that scar with pride. That you won't hide it or cover it or try to pretend it never was there. Because letting that show through your skin... That's how you show the HOPE that's there --you healed. He's going to make it beautiful in his time. I believe it. ![]() Sometimes a loss is so big that though the wound has healed it feels as though the ache will never go away. So what do you do on heart-achy days? What do you do ... when the ache of the loss just comes flooding back up when you think it has all been swept away? When you’ve done what you can in all your strength and all the strength the creator has given to have moved on but your heart moves back. When you miss.. just MISS.. what can never be again. When you find yourself in this place of what was never meant to be and yet just IS. And you think you’ve gone so far beyond all the pain but something just jabs... jabs hard.. hits a soft spot on the scar. What do you do? What then? Do you sit in that pain a minute and feel it? Or go to the freezer and eat some mini pecan buttertarts.. the ones you were saving for your dad’s visit and you froze because you were on a diet? Let’s not kid around here. It wasn’t one. It was 6. It seems like that sweet buttertart will fill the empty feeling in the pit of your stomach. And for a moment it does. And then what? When you feel it a moment more what do you do next? Do you breathe it out and cry it out and tell it out and plead it out? Because the one who was most wounded still has the scars and knows both how it feels to die and how it felt to rise back up again in victory. The same power that conquered His grave and brought Him to life calls us out to be more than conquerors over whatever we face... even this pain that bubbled back up and sent us back to the death tomb. So what does that power do right now.. in this deep dark place where our heart went back in and got tangled back up in bandages? It calls us out. It calls us up. To rise again. To let that dead part go.. so HIS new life can rise again in us for all to witness. To place all that was dead and all that was lost and all that was broken in His hands for His working. Because as tears go down our cheek he takes His scarred hands and reaches out and puts them one by one in a bottle. And that is when you hear Him over the ache: Because behold He IS doing a new thing. And He WILL make all things new... |