FILLER' UP

It's funny how when your car is empty you know to fill it with fuel. You don't jam in a donut or a bag of chips. 

And yet when our insides run empty or raw we look for all kinds of fillers. The pantry opens and closes incessantly here when I am running emptied and craving an insta-fix. The Facebook and Instagram app goes on and off endlessly in my search for... SOMETHING. And like the cheap fillers in meats and the vast cosmetic fillers to get rid of your age lines...the fillers I go for in those times add bulk to my body and time but add no content or  lasting value.

This week's a dry week. A week of being a little world weary and tear torn. A week when the stuff of life makes my heart ache for something that would GO IN and FILL that space.

SOOO this week I reach for the cookies and chips and the items off my "not good for me" list. And those items are like those cosmetic fillers and those food fillers. They just don't last. So I go for another and another. 

It's a cycle. A stupid STUPID cycle. 

And when I've had enough of the cycle I ACTUALLY pour my heart out enough to empty out the deep etching made by the fresh wound or disappointment instead of holding onto it. And THAT'S when I've got a place that's ready enough for RE-filling.

Oh thirsty sister. Why do we try to  "filler up" when what we're made for is being filled up?
Why do we sometimes leak out ONLY A LITTLE of the hurt and then quickly try to put something in? Why do we sometimes let ourselves stop short of letting it ALL OUT to the one who made us so it can be a ready place to fill?

I'm sorry for the stuff of life-- for people who disappoint, for words that wound, for stress and illness and for pain. I'm sorry for broken promises, broken plans and broken dreams.

But if you leak out the parts that got carved out inside and made your soul sick... I know He'll FILL it up. 

Why didn't my morning devotions fill? Because I didn't spill. He can't pour into the new cracks and crevices when they are all  infected and I won't let Him in.

Deep breath. RE-LEASE.  RE-FILL. RE-VIVE. RE-PLACE. RE-FUEL. 

It's beauty for ashes.. but YOU have to let go of the ashes for the trade off to work. Let it out and let it go. 

You are loved. You are safe. You matter.  AND HIS plans for you are good.