IN PROCESSING

I just found an amazing little weekly chart from the dollar store this week that allows me to block in my days and the errands, jobs, and life stuff that must happen on each day to reach the successful finishing of the week. I LOVE IT. I can plan months in ahead too. I've labelled all the weeks up.  It's got pretty little flowers and I like it better than the book ones because at the end of the week I can tear that week page off and smile.  There's a new one underneath.. and it's fresh with promise of things to come. If you could hear me,this is what I say in my head as I smirk: "SEE.. I made it through another week, I got the jobs of life done and stayed organized and somewhat on top.  YAY ME."

I know I know.. there's an app for that. I get it. I've tried the calendar on my phone and I can use it, but I can't tell you the feeling of JOY I get with crossing things off and ripping off that week and moving on-- so I'm sticking with the paper copy. CROSSING OFF THINGS = SUCCESS !

What about you? Do you have a list? A list that keeps you pressing towards the finished result? The finished week, the finished day, the finished dream?

Maybe there's multiple lists on the go for you. Maybe it's the to do list to get you to: a clean house, a party, a wedding, a book, a renovation, a dream house, a healthy body, a career,  meals on the table, getting errands done, getting kids to places they need to go....  OR maybe for you the destination is so BIG you can't break it down into steps at all. The list is reduced to one task that alone is harder than you can describe and you just keep repeating it. SURVIVE.

My heart aches for my friends who sometimes feel like they will never arrive, never survive, never FINISH or finally  reach the success they wish "IN THE END". I hear their heart as it breaks and they say: WHEN WILL I EVER GET IT? WHEN WILL I EVER GET THERE? WHEN WILL I GET IT RIGHT?

I am so sorry because there's stuff in this life that's hard to process. It's hard to process why it's hard. Sharp edges, cutting edges. Stuff of life that hurts to process. Days that just get checked off and blurred off and run into one another. Families fighting over money and stress and jobs and plans and time, people really sick and cancer that sucks and heart attacks and grief. To do lists that can't get ta-done no matter the magical wand we try to wave and the hours we keep.

Being in process can be stressful and heart wrenching and fear filled and tear filled and endless and dark. 

Not knowing if you'll get "there" or if you'll figure out what's needed to even get there.  I am so sorry.

Being in process can be hard. SO HARD.

We want to GET PAST the grief, GET PAST the building of the house, GET PAST THIS ROCKY LAND OF IN BETWEEN.

I don't know what you are in process of or in process in or in processing. But I do know you can't get there without that time of process. 

It's not because we haven't tried. We've tried it with food. Fast food, highly processed foods. They do not bring the health we need.

We've tried it with pain.  Hide it, don't reveal it, pretend it isn't there. 

We've tried it with lists and night hours and exhaustion and weary work.

I can hear us all. I WILL get this done. ONE DAY I will get it. AND WHEN IT IS DONE THEN IT WILL BE BETTER. I WILL BE BETTER. WE WILL BE BETTER. 

I don't know friend. Is it true?

I see this big gaping hole from our now to our then that doesn't just fill. It creates a chasm that we can fall right into. So I don't think we can truly live that way. That life's got the in between right blurred out. 

So today can I offer you a little thought to process? It's partly because I am so conscious of my importance manifesto. LOL. Come join me. I want to start a movement. :) 
http://www.catherinegillard.com/blog/one-more-important-thing

But the other part that's making me so really focussed on this word process and processing for the stuff of life is that this week is I am so full of realization that:

 I'M A WORK IN PROCESS. ME.

Yeah. Me. Aren't you?  I can see the big dreams and visions, the to do lists and the place to head but also just really get that as I look back the in between and the hard bits were so important to my life. I wouldn't trade them even though I wouldn't choose a lot of them. Because they are the parts that led me where I've gone and that led me to the people I've known. They are the parts that led me to live a life that mattered, a life that helped, a life that made a difference to others. I can't trade that in. That's progress in my process.

People often say that we are works in progress. AND.....I hate it. I really DO. 

I don't know about you but being told that I am a work in progress makes me feel mediocre right now. It sounds like ONE DAY I will ARRIVE. Get to that destination of the way I am meant to be. And that makes me want to skip the in between.

So hear me out. QUOTE ME ON IT. ARGUE WITH ME IF YOU LIKE....I'd REALLY love your thoughts.

BUT here is where I hang my hat. That picture of me and you being in progress makes me feel like ONE DAY we will finally reach the place we were meant to get to and we should JUST KEEP PRESSING ON EAGERLY TOWARDS THAT DAY.

AND I don't think that's totally true or accurate so you can quote me on this:

WE are ACTUALLY works in  PROCESS.  I googled it and think it is an original thought! LOL.

We are friend! We are in process. And it is beautiful and messy and hard and growing and life changing and leading.

Can you breathe that in? You are in process. Life is touching you and our master creator wants to let is shape and grow you and fill you with life and beauty. TODAY. EACH AND EVERY DAY. 

JUST GETTING YOU SOMEWHERE ISN'T HIS GOAL. HE'S NOT MEASURING YOUR SUCCESS BY WHEN YOU FINALLY MEASURE UP. 

In honestly I've heard too much of that and it makes me ill because it paints a picture of God as someone He's not. He's not just trying to rush you to completion.  You see, this creator of the earth...He's embracing you in your RIGHT NOW.

Right now as you process whatever you are in. Right now as you call him in and you let him lead and you take some steps. Right NOW. Right now HE's cheering you on and He's filled with pure joy in loving your heart in whatever moment you just let Him in. Let Him in and let HIS heart move you and let His breath fill you and let His words flow on your lips. He'll help you process it all.

YOU SEE IT'S NOT IN FINALLY GETTING SOMEWHERE THAT WE LIVE THE WIDE OPEN and ABUNDANT LIFE HE PLANNED. He's really concerned about your here and now. He's that kind of God. He's present. He's the I AM.  NOT THE I WAS OR THE I WILL BE. HE'S THE RIGHT NOW.

My hearts so full right now. I've got a lot I am processing in the stuff of life. I do have goals and unfinished bits and questions and lists. But I am so very sure of this. I am in process. In a process of growing, in a process of knowing , in a process of grieving, in a process of building. And to do it I need to be right in this moment.

He loves us RIGHT NOW in whatever PROCESS we are in.

I am excited. Because I just read a word in a new way and had a big aha. I want to live a life that is MOMENTOUS.

Read that word again. MOMENTOUS. That's in the moment. 

Listen in, lean in. Be present in this process. There's something momentous you are going to grow in, something momentous you are going to do to touch someone's life. So be in this moment, feel in this moment, call him in in this moment. 

Don't just try to get somewhere and reach your finished destination. Don't just hammer yourelf because you aren't there YET. Be still and know HE IS GOD. Be on your journey, be in your doing.  Take those steps.
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Be blessed friend. You are loved, you matter and his plans for you are good. IN THIS MOMENT.