THE CONFIDENT WOMAN: PART 2

Hey all! I see you out there checking in on different days and again want to say thanks for your support.  You rock my world. I can't tell you how much it means  to know we are doing this thing of figuring out life together! Love you!!!

I'd REALLY like to hear from you. Please do post a comment or two and start a dialogue on here. I would love to make this a safe place to chat and walk together!

So...

So much has happened since we last talked about confidence. I've been really mulling it over. And it seems everywhere I turn it is either speaking into my confidence or trying to shake my confidence. That's pretty cool how that happens isn't it? And I'm pretty confident that's no coincidence..

So here's the 5 thoughts circulating in my head about A RESILIENT confidence that are being shaped in the furnace of life.  This is what I'm figuring out about having a kind of confidence that KEEPS on going even in those raw and  rocky situations that are UNFAIR and HARD. This is what I'm learning about forging on where it seems there is no way. This is what I'm learning about being a woman who makes CHANGE in spite of what is going on.  

I don't know about you.. but I WANT to be that person. That person who left something more than what was when I first got here. I want to make my life COUNT... even if I'm shaken. I want to learn to stand firm.

So here it is. Here comes my little list of 5 things I've learned about confidence:

1) A confidence that isn't shaken can't be BASED on our ability.

It's funny because this goes right against all the confidence building literature out there. I understand the need for a healthy self esteem. I AGREE you need to know you MATTER not because others say you do, but because of YOU. And that you are capable and talented and that you should NOT hide. That you are a masterpiece.  So don't get me wrong.

The truth of it is: I loved being successful at school. I loved getting good grades and being the one people came to for help. I loved being looked at as a "good" person and model citizen. I loved being a kind person, a helpful person, a smart person.  I loved doing things that made awesome life change for others. But if I can be real here.. AND I'm telling you this is the place to be real because I am dead set committed to this place being a journey for us together....

Here's more of the truth: I've been in a place so wracked by hurt I didn't have the confidence to ask for a clean cup in a restaurant when the one I had had lipstick all over it. Where I didn't want to speak up AT ALL for fear of being noticed and having to answer questions about life because I didn't want to talk about my life. Life can sometimes SUCK the confidence right out of us if our confidence is put in us. I understand being in a place where you just want to HIDE because you don't want to be seen.. 

Some of you get what I'm saying and some of you don't. And that's ok. Because I'm not trusting in my ability or appearance or skill and ability to keep us going here. My worth isn't there. My identity isn't in ME. And I'm so glad for that.

I am quite sure some of you will think I am a dork.. and that is OK!  It's not my skill confidently moving me on in writing this.  I'm pressing on because OUTSIDE of me and any skill I may or may not have...I know this really sharing your life with others matters. Outside of my having a bad day writing here and boring you to tears.... I'm doing it. I'm here laying down my life for you to walk on if you need to.

 Because here's what I see:  abilities run out. When my confidence slips or the confidence of my friends slip it is usually when we are trusting our own worth or skill to get us through.

Don't get me wrong.. those confident people I know, myself included, KNOW they can make change. They believe they matter and CAN be used to do something powerful. That's the first part of confidence. SHOWING UP! KNOWING YOU CAN MAKE THE DIFFERENCE.  And sister.. you do. You matter.

But what about when the task is greater than your skillset?  When your confidence in your ability slips.  How do you not quit and run?

I see the people who stay around put their confidence in something GREATER than themselves and KEEP ON GOING.  

So here are my other conclusions:

2) A confidence that doesn't slip can't be based on our present success or situation.

When my confidence slips it is when the present situation isn't in line with what I want/ what I think is fair/ what I think is good/ what I think I can handle. And here's what I've learned.  I can't stare at the situation. They can surprise us. That's the truth. I HAVE to look beyond the situation. I have to be determined there's something out there worth moving towards. I have to have faith and determination. There's something bigger that matters than just what's happening right now. So I press on.

3)  A resilient confidence can't be based on our past track record.

There's two sides to this. I can't count on my past successes to keep me afloat in new situations. It might not! AND.. I can't stay tied to my past failures  if I am going to move forward. Fear and failure are awful anchors. They are deadweights. I have to throw them off and move on. And success can be some awful blinders that lead us to be blindsided when something more challenging comes our way. The only thing the past can do is give us the skills and tools to keep going. And I KNOW someone who is bolstering your tool belt as you go with EVERY situation you let him grow you in. 

4) A resilient  confidence can't be based on people and their responses.  

People might might not respond the way we expect and we have to keep going. People might high tail and run themselves because they are scared.. People might take sides. People might even betray you or stab you in the back. People might badmouth you.  I'm sorry if that sounds so awful. I don't mean it to be. It is... but I also have seen it's true. You have to know... that's an awful thing for this Pollyanna to admit. I see the good in everyone. It's both an advantage and a weakness. BUT I do get it now. I can't put my confidence in what people say/ think or do! I'm sorry if someone has hurt you or is hurting you right now. It bleeds. And Jesus heart bleeds for that pain you are in right now too.  The truth IS he gets it. So give it to him and put that giant cross that was both death and life between you and that people. And lean into the power that conquered the grave.

So here's my final conclusion:

5) A resilient confidence IS GROWN.

It's grown where there is something bigger than you, the situation, the past and the people. Where there is something worth grasping, worth imagining, worth striving towards, worth holding onto, worth chasing. It's grown when you fail and get back up. Where you see others fail and you show them how to get back up. Where you see what is and hold onto what can be. Where you trust there is something MORE powerful possible than what is. For some women.. that life change had nothing to do with God or faith. It was just something bigger and they lived for it.

For me... that's why I write this blog. For us to keep going sisters.. despite our limitations, despite others limitations, despite our circumstances. Please be confident... Get back up again. It's not whether you get knocked down, but whether you get back up. It's not whether you failed but whether you try again. There's something bigger worth fighting for.

For me that's that this world would be a better place and that more love would be known.  For me that is that more people would have hope and life and freedom. 

For me that's Jesus.

It's pretty amazing this stuff of life. I've learned that when I'm in the furnace there's a third party in there too. I've learned that I'm not alone and I've learned to call him in.

And when I trust in my own abilities and they fail, when I trust in my past circumstances and it's not working out the same, when I trust in others and they aren't what I thought they'd be in my journey, when I'm in a situation that is harder than I thought... I've learned to get my eyes off that stuff quicker. I've learned to rise up faster. To get back in and run. Let's keep running sister.

Love you!

Let me know what you think. I'd love your thoughts on resilient confidence.. the kind that doesn't quit.

Press on!

HUG! Catherine